To him marriage was synonymous with love and anything less than that was a lie. However you overlooked one serious problem; your sense of decency and " Wonderful Working Relationship But Something's Missing". Do you feel your relationship is lacking something? This will help you communicate about the issues and learn what you both want. but we didn't work at creating growth towards a common goal – the goal of marriage. “Something is missing!” This is the number one statement couples make about their relationship when they come to my office for counseling.
You might keep searching for a perfect partner in vain if you don't know what is your absolute necessity. This is something you would feel deep inside — your gut feelings. Does this sound like the pattern of your life? Use that trust and understanding to discuss the issues you might be having. An honest and open communication will help you both work on a compromise and find solutions to relationship problems. If nothing else, at least it may help you both recognize the limits of the relationship and accept it or avoid throwing away years with an incompatible partner.
Why Do I Feel Like Something Is Missing in My Relationship?
Failure to communicate can really disrupt the possibility of success with a relationship. Sometimes something is just plain misunderstood. Talking about it can clear things up.
The Two Concepts of Availability Are you really available? There are two concepts of emotional availability in relationships: Giving your full attention to the relationship you're in.
Recognizing if you're in an undesirable relationship. In the first case you'll want to be fully emotionally involved.
In the second case you need the courage to move on -- to be available when the right one comes along. Of course you want to work on your relationship, and therefore you need to pay attention to it.
Paying attention helps the relationship grow and helps you make a permanent commitment. You become available, or free, to get out there again and hopefully find a better match. We need to be emotionally available to commit to a permanent relationship. For sex, for companionship, a travel partner, whatever.
In this case we are not allowing ourselves to become available for the right person. Looking back on my experiences, I've noticed that I have had relationships where we just never discussed and shared our dreams with one another. We just let time go by and enjoyed being together, but we didn't work at creating growth towards a common goal — the goal of marriage. Why I kept finding women who were so patient, I do not know.
I must have been subconsciously selecting women who were so patient that they just went along with being in a relationship without having the need to discuss making a future of it. We were fooling ourselves. There was physical intimacy but no emotional intimacy. Learning what the common needs are and what we both want from the relationship is important. Sharing this knowledge works only when we have open communication and emotional availability.
Otherwise there may be a lack of commitment. Or worse, both partners may actually want something different out of life, but they are comfortable with the status quo of the existing relationship.
Can a thing like that last? Is it a goal for a particular kind of relationship that you never went after? Is it a dream that was never pursued? Many feelings can get in the way of moving forward. Some of those feelings may be fear that things will turn out differently than we want. Many times we lose sight of other things that are more important to us. Is there something you were passionate about and actually planed how you were going to achieve it, but then never completed the mission?
He's Wonderful but Something's Missing
Maybe you just got comfortable with the status quo and were happy with whatever came your way in life. Many people do that. Happiness is a good thing.
However, if it stands in the way of something really important that you know you want, then you need to stop overlooking what standing in your way. And that is one of the most common methods of avoidance. Making a Difference with a Dream Relationship Some people find their lives turning out miserably and not at all what they had dreamed of as a child. How many people do you know who blame their misfortunes on the world?
Why Do I Feel Like Something Is Missing in My Relationship? | PairedLife
They don't own up to taking responsibility for how their life turns out. It takes a certain amount of goal setting and communication to avoid confusion. After all, each of you may have conflicting dreams. That can make it seem that something is missing or that something is wrong. The second time, I wanted to end the relationship because I felt no romance or passion, and didn't feel "in love. I even slept with a close friend. I felt like I was dead inside and was very depressed.
I was making my husband so upset. I had a home I never dreamed of having, a kind husband, and I wasn't happy. We didn't connect mentally. I wanted to be stimulated by something. But again I didn't leave because I needed his family and the structure of our lives. I decided I couldn't have everything.
I need to appreciate what I have and stick with what I have. Now, four years later, I have emotional energy to spare and for the past six months I have been trying to channel it. I started reading more, working on the PC, started a little business, taking my son on little adventures, and I'm looking for the "connection" again.
The monkey wrench is that I'm finding the "connection" with other people and I don't want to do things with my husband. I seem to plan him out of whatever I do and have slept with two of my friends. I feel like crap, but at first it made me happier at home. I didn't feel resentful at home and I felt like I could be myself with my friends and they still liked me.
I thought I had it all under control and that I would just have this deviant secret that would help hold me together at home, but now I feel like I can't live this secret life and that I will ultimately hurt my son and my husband permanently if I continue this way. I would appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction.
I believe it will help me work this out. In order to help you make the decision that most closely reflects your deepest needs and desires I must first raise some of the questions that you appear to be asking yourself.
Must I feel "in love and matched" in order to be happily married? Is having a "wonderful working relationship" with my partner, "a kind and loving" man, sufficient for a good marriage? Is the fact that there is "something missing" intimacy, passion, deep connection reason enough to end the marriage? How do I convince myself to let go of this powerful need for passion and excitement, which up to now I've only found in extra-marital relations? First of all, let me start by saying that neither I nor anyone else can answer those questions for you.
The value choice with which you are struggling can only be made in the deepest place of the self, that pure inner center that is free from the opinions and judgements of others. It's there that you will find your answer and it's there that you also must find the courage to act according to your deepest sense of truth. I would like to share two stories with you.
Both stories come from my clinical practice as a marital therapist and each illustrates a different side of your dilemma. They had been married for 18 years and had three children. He began the session by telling me that he wanted to leave his wife. For years I've tried to convince myself that there was something wrong with me or that I should lower my expectations or that I should just try harder. I can't pretend anymore. We've been married a long time.
What do you expect? Should we act like newlyweds? The truth was that he had never once cheated on his wife. What she couldn't accept was that he no longer loved her. To him marriage was synonymous with love and anything less than that was a lie.
He chose to end the marriage despite enormous pressure from his family, community and minister. He lost friends, financial security and for one year following the divorce his three children refused to speak to him. Yet he never doubted his decision. We may agree or disagree with this man's choice but one thing is certain - he took full responsibility for his actions.Here's why you feel like you are missing something in your relationships
He accepted how he felt, acted accordingly and was willing to pay a very high price. For him being in love was a higher value than family unity. Are you willing to make a stand for love? Are you willing to pay a price that might cause harm to your children, could lead to serious financial loss for you and would create enormous pain for your husband?
Faced with such a difficult decision, it's no wonder that you chose to have an extramarital affair.
Your affairs gave you the illusion that you could have it all - passion, family, romance and marriage. However you overlooked one serious problem; your sense of decency and morality won't permit you to cheat and lie. They had been married for 12 years and had two boys. It was the typical marital story: An occasional marital affair helped to spice up their rather dull existence. The score was even so neither one of them could legitimately claim the moral high ground.
Finally the wife said, "I don't expect to fall madly in love with him. I'd be happy if we could just stop hurting each other and learn to be friends. We have this mistaken notion that marriage and relationships are about getting our needs met.
It goes something like this: As long as my partner satisfies me then I'll stay in the relationship. If she makes me happy, then I'll reciprocate and try to make her happy.