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Sunny Side of "Insignificance"

The University of Oklahoma women's gymnastics team defeated three schools Sunday at the Lanthrop and Gage Corvette Cup in Columbia, Mo. The Sooners 12 Ohio State. The meet, in conjunction with the men's competition against No. Tim Daggett Gold Medal Gymnastics - hidden-facts.info , Daggett Mobility Meet , Tim Daggett National Invitational TDNI, . Daggett noted that he has worked with. American Ambulance and the beginning of through the end of , which Meet Brooklyn, pictured on the toilet and Yasmine and Vinnie, all owned by Sharon Kozlow, .. Medicine gym, benefiting athletes of Bonneville Salt Flats with his Corvette.

Rusted tools find a home with soft woven pieces while metal is crocheted like yarn. These surprising juxtapositions of materials makes categorizing Pontz's work difficult; it is sculpture, it is fabric, it is installation. Her work also, in many cases, invites participation from its viewers. Whether following a meditative journey proscribed by Pontz in and around her work, or by literally rearranging portions of her sculptural pieces, viewers are both invited to be shaped by Pontz's work and shape it themselves.

The story of Pontz's own life, that of her community, and visitors to the Museum will be woven together in the exhibition by participation, conversation, and collaboration. Black and white residents either helped each other Show More At times, the fates of black and white communities were "tied" to each other.

The "ties that bind" us together as a community can be tight enough to encourage cooperation, or too tight, leading to conflict. Explore how these ties existed and changed over time in Morris County and New Jersey and consider how those ties are manifested today. To complete her mission she needs to collect all six of her Super Hero Show More Gadgets, like Respectacles to see different points of view, and the Cape of Courage for a boost of confidence. Join Lila in this adventure through the National Liberty Museum galleries to discover your own power to Live Like A Hero while learning the stories of young heroes who are making a big impact.

Once the quest is complete, you'll receive a special reward! His paintings and sculpture have Show More Hyder has also created several public art works, including three murals through the City of Philadelphia's Mural Arts Program: Hyder's fascination with the public sphere has manifested in a multimedia experience titled The Janis Project.

Begun in and still continuing today, Hyder has created over a dozen large-scale, double-faced inflatable sculptures of heads. Hyder states of The Janis Project that each head, "which at once references Moai of Easter Island, Olmec heads and, the ancient Roman god of new endeavors, at the same time has its roots in street art and inflatable toys Janis carries a message of equality and good will and dares to step out of the normal world of Art museums or Art Galleries to be among us.

Made of resilient nylon and paint, Janis has found a place to make us all consider issues with a smile that often divide us. Jordan Kaderli, Dallas, TX Derek squeezed through the narrow entrance past irate piles at the bar and pushed deeper into the tight, dark saloon, and brushing aside a stool and settling between ornaments that hung like polyps from the ceiling, he examined the texture of the walls with his fingertips while trying to avoid the gaze of the owner; the perfect bar, he mused, for the socially awkward proctologist.

Max Walker, Bryn Mawr, PA The sunset was like a golden pouring of honey that you find in those breakfast jars in good class hotels, some of which ends up on the linen table cloth, the colour of cirrostratus clouds before they have been sunset-soaked. John O'Byrne, Dublin, Ireland Our tale begins with the encounter of two gentlemen; I'm going to describe the second gentleman first. Wicklow, Ireland To Juliet's mind, he was just a small town Romeo, and - bummer - a Capulet to boot, but the men pickings in Verona were slim, so even though her daddy would have a cat, she decided, "What's the worst that could happen?

John Hardi, Falls Church, VA Tony was unsure if the voice had said, "Sven" or "Ten," but, as no one had ever called him Sven, and the ceiling lights were shining directly into his eyes, and, recognizing the familiar sad, yet concerned, look on the referee's face - he was gonna go with "Ten. Warren Blair, Ashburn, VA The dark, drafty old house was lopsided and decrepit, leaning in on itself, the way an aging possum carrying a very heavy, overcooked drumstick in his mouth might list to one side if he were also favoring a torn Achilles tendon, assuming possums have them.

Shethra Jones-Hoopes, Conestoga, PA Daphne had thoroughly researched the subject and concluded that, by all accounts, the medical procedure for reducing the size of her ample derriere was relatively safe but - and it is a big 'but' - she understood there is always an inherent risk involving any surgery. Clay Wach, Winnipeg, MB The dame that walked into my office was statuesque and looked like she ought to be standing on a bed of roses … in other words, she looked exactly like the garden gnome my ex-wife had stuck in our flower bed, next to a bird bath that attracted a whole lot of bills, much like my in-tray, which was lousy with them.

Jackie Fuchs, Los Angeles, CA It was amidst the chaos of the Loma Prieta tectonic plate shift, while sipping sassafras floats at opposite ends of a busy ice cream bar when, in a serendipitous happenstance of synchronicity, the cranial plates of Laura and Earl also shifted, sending their ocular prosthetics tumbling to the floor where they rolled and rolled until their eyes met across the crowded room.

Tim Daggett National Invitational January 28th, 2017.

Todd didn't think he would ever be able to love another woman the way he had loved Lily, but he was really eager to try. John Glenn, Tyler, TX Dark and stormy was her disposition; her hair cascaded evenly onto her shoulders in torrents - except at intervening occasions, when it was checked by a violent gust of air from a huge blower for it is in Hollywood that our scene liesrattling along her blouse top, and fiercely agitating the scanty fabric that struggled against her implants.

Lee Martinson, Yucaipa, CA "I have always found character introductions at the beginning of novels to be a rather clunky literary device," said Edmond Wordswell of Liston Street, Cambridge, a year-old tax attorney and sufferer of severe lactophobia, the tragic result of having been abandoned in an empty milk bottle carrier as an infant. Sarah Harper, Silver Spring, MD Martha Lessen broke horses - not in the same way she broke her mother's good china, nor the way she broke the privy door out back of the bunkhouse, not even the way she broke the heart of Gunther Svenson, which, in that case, is quite surprising since one would think breaking a horse and breaking an ass would be quite similar.

Kevin Fry, Callaway, MD Sometimes I look to the sky and pray for something heavy to fall from it and put me out of my misery - something like a baby-grand piano, a bit of space junk, an anvil, or a meteorite; or, better yet, for heavy objects to fall on everyone except me in a biblical downpour of baby-grand pianos, bits of space junk, anvils, and meteorites.

Rani Eimers The dark and foreboding landscape was littered with crumbling castles, collapsed crypts, and earthworks for forgotten fortresses wherein lurked those most dastardly of degenerates, whose blood curdling cries made the lives of the locals a living hell - the historical reenactment society.

Phil Davies, Cardiff, UK As he told her that he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noted the infestation of eyelash mites, the tiny deodicids burrowing into his follicles to eat the greasy sebum therein, each female laying up to 25 eggs in a single follicle, causing inflammation, whether the eyes are truly the windows of the soul; and, if so, his soul needed regrouting. Cathy Bryant, Manchester, England Winning sentence, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest As an ornithologist, George was fascinated by the fact that urine and feces mix in birds' rectums to form a unified, homogeneous slurry that is expelled through defecation, although eying Greta's face, and sensing the reaction of the congregation, he immediately realized he should have used a different analogy to describe their relationship in his wedding vows.

David Pepper, Hermosa Beach, CA Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Adventure The stifling atmosphere inside the Pink Dolphin Bar in the upper Amazon Basin carried barely enough oxygen for a man to survive - humid and thick the air was and full of little flying bugs, making the simple act of breathing like trying to suck hot Campbell's Bean with Bacon soup through a paper straw.

Greg Homer, Placerville, CA Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest The shallow cave behind the mighty river's thundering waterfall seemed more like a damp, cold, misty, poorly lit hallway leading from the shower room in some cheap-dive gym under the Elevated train where mugs who couldn't crack the glass jaw of some washed-up palooka on their best sober day still deluded themselves that they could be somebody; and yet, Bill thought, "at least it's got runnin' water.

Sue Fondrie, Appleton, WI Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest "Chester and Harry, you don't have the stomach for this, but Dick and I do," the leggy blonde said in a throaty voice as she headed back in to finger - and hopefully nail - the brains and muscle of the strong-arm syndicate, the heel that gutted her niece. Bill Hartmann, Dallas, TX Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Inspector Murphy stood up when he saw me, then looked down at the lifeless body, crumpled like a forlorn Snicker's candy wrapper, and after a knowing glance at Detective Wilson pointed to the darkening crimson pool spreading from the stiff's shattered noggin, and said, "You settle it, Gibson; does that puddle look more like a duck or a cow?

Carl Stich, Mariemont, Ohio The blood seeped out of the body like bad peach juice from a peach that had been left on one side so long the bottom became rotten while it still looked fine on the top but had started to attract fruit flies, and this had the same effect, but with regular flies, that is not say there weren't some fruit flies around because, after all, this was Miami.

Howard Eugene Whitright, Seal Beach, CA The smooth hand I was caressing felt as if it belonged to a Persian monk that had been rubbing moisturizing body oils on his fellow monks all day but not in a gay way, come on, he's a monk for God's sakewhen in all actuality the hand belonged to a body that I had just pulled out of the Potomac for forensic investigation.

Kevin Bruemmer, San Antonio, TX Bishop threw back the shot of bourbon and reflected on his career as a private dick, a profession he always thought of as perfect for a man named Richard who kept to himself and was often unkind to others. David Lippmann, Austin, TX Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Truly, twas Gimoneus the wise, grand sorcerer of Elantorfan, keeper of the ancient rune of Turgochit, came nearest to slaying the mighty dragon of Ralmorgantorg; for he was old and sinewy, and the wretched beast near choked to death on his femur.

Warren Wol, Livermore, CA Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Historical Fiction The "clunk" of the guillotine blade's release reminded Marie Antoinette, quite briefly, of the sound of the wooden leg of her favorite manservant as he not-quite-silently crossed the polished floors of Versailles to bring her another tray of petit fours. Leslie Craven, Hataitai, New Zealand Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Primum non nocere, from the Latin for "first, do no harm," one of the principal tenets of the Hippocratic oath taken by physicians, was far from David's mind as he strode, sling in hand, to face Goliath in part because Hippocrates was born about years after David, in part because David wasn't even a physician, but mainly because David wanted to kill the sucker.

David Larson, San Francisco, CA Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Purple Prose William, his senses roused by a warm fetid breeze, hoped it was an early spring's equinoxal thaw causing rivers to swell like the blood-engorged gumlines of gingivitis, loosening winter's plaque, exposing decay, and allowing the seasonal pot-pouris of Mother Nature's morning breath to permeate the surrounding ether, but then he awoke to the unrelenting waves of his wife's halitosis.

Guy Foisy, Orleans, Ontario Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Corinne considered the colors palest green, gray and lavender and texture downy as the finest velvet and wondered, "How long have these cold cuts been in my refrigerator? Robin Siepel, Bakersfield, CA The drugged parrots pelted the village like a hellish rain of feathered fanny packs stuffed with claws and porridge, rendering Claudia's makeshift rabbit-skin umbrella more symbolic than anything else.

Jeff Coleburn, West Chester, PA Romance "I'll never get over him," she said to herself and the truth of that statement settled into her brain the way glitter settles on to a plastic landscape in a Christmas snow globe when she accepted the fact that she was trapped in bed between her half-ton boyfriend and the wall when he rolled over on to her nightgown and passed out, leaving her no way to climb out. Karen Hamilton, Seabrook, TX Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest "Your eyes are like deep blue pools that I would like to drown in," he had told Kimberly when she had asked him what he was thinking; but what he was actually thinking was that sometimes when he recharges his phone he forgets to put the little plug back in but he wasn't going to tell her that.

Mark Wisnewski, Flanders, NJ Chain-smoking as he stood in the amber glow of the street lamp, he gazed up at the brownstone wherein resided Bunny Morgan, and thought how like a bunny Bunny was, though he had read somewhere that rabbits were coprophages, which meant that they ate their own feces, which was really disgusting now that he thought about it, and nothing like Bunny, at least he hoped not, so on second thought Bunny wasn't like a bunny after all, but she still was pretty hot.

Emma DeZordi, Dollard-des-Ormeaux, Quebec Their love began as a tailor, quickly measuring the nooks and crannies of their personalities, but it soon became the seamstress of subterfuge, each of them aware of the others lingual haberdashery: Mindy trying to create a perfectly suited garment to display in public and Stan only concerned with the inseam. Dunn, Bloomington, IN Science Fiction As I gardened, gazing towards the autumnal sky, I longed to run my finger through the trail of mucus left by a single speckled slug - innocuously thrusting past my rhododendrons - and in feeling that warm slime, be swept back to planet Alderon, back into the tentacles of the alien who loved me.

Patrick, Lake City, SC Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest The real problem with the "many universes" interpretation of quantum mechanics is that if it's true, then somewhere, in some universe, anything you can possibly imagine has already happened, which means that somewhere, another version of me has already finished writing the rest of this science-fiction novel, so I'm not feeling real inspired to do it myself.

Steve Lauducci, Bethlehem, PA Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Vile Puns Though they were merely strangers on a train, as she looked North by Northwest though the rear window, Marnie knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the trouble with Harry was that he was a psycho - his left and right hand middle fingers formerly extended in the birds position were menacingly twisting a rope in the form of a noose; certain of her impending death as surely as she could dial M for Murder, she was overcome by intense vertigo.

Amy Torchinsky, Greensboro, NC Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest The two power-hungry, something biographers met with me incognito and settled on penning my memoirs, one on a percentage of future sales and one on upfront remuneration; so there is one yuppie I pay, one yuppie I owe, ghostwriters in disguise.

Peter Bjorkman, Rocklin, CA Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Professor Lemieux had anticipated that his latest paper would be received with skepticism within the small, fractious circle of professional cosmologists, few of whom were prepared to accept his hypothesis that our universe had been created in a marijuana-induced industrial accident by insectoid aliens; nevertheless, he was stung when Hawking airily dismissed it as the Bug Bong Theory.

Bradley was a risk but no sorry trivial pursuit yet he hadn't a clue why she had a monopoly on his heart's desires - in fact, it boggled his mind and caused him great aggravation because, in his checkered and troubled careers, he had always scrabbled hard and it drove him bonkers that she considered life just a game.

Lynne Marie Waldron, Spokane, WA Western They still talk about that fateful afternoon in Abilene, when Dancing Dan DuPre moonwalked through the doors of Fat Suzy's saloon, made a passable reverse-turn, pirouetted twice followed by a double box-step, somersaulted onto the bar, drew his twin silver-plated Colts and put twelve bullets through the eyes of the McLuskey sextuplets, on account of them varmints burning down his ranch and lynching his prize steer. Ted Downes, Cardiff, U.

Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest He got down from his horse, which seemed strange to him as he had always believed that you got down from a duck or a goose. Rebecca Oas, Atlanta, GA Many years have passed since the events related here, but I remember them almost as well as if I had really been there, because I think about them frequently, turning them over and over in my mind, changing the facts to make me into more of a hero than I actually might have been, had I been there to do half the things I claim I did.

Carden, Madison, TN Her skin was like flocked wallpaper and her eyes had seen better days, but when her bloodless lips murmured "Hi, Sailor," my heart melted from the inside out like one of those chocolate-covered ice cream bars on a summer day that runs down your arm and gets all over your new shirt. James Macdonald, Vancouver, B.

Her fixed gaze at dinner reminded him so much of an owl that he found himself wondering when she would regurgitate her meal into a pellet and told the waitress they didn't need a dessert menu. Leah Sitkoff, New York, New York The syncopated sound of the single-cylinder steam motor, designed by Mier Vander, reminded Mier of the time his father took him to the Mollen Bros travelling circus to see the "Corpulent Lady" and to sit upon her lap immediately following her lunch of sauerbraten and ale.

Jim Tierney, Murrieta, CA Cheryl's mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories. Sue Fondrie, Oshkosh, WI Winning sentence, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest As I stood among the ransacked ruin that had been my home, surveying the aftermath of the senseless horrors and atrocities that had been perpetrated on my family and everything I hold dear, I swore to myself that no matter where I had to go, no matter what I had to do or endure, I would find the man who did this … and when I did, when I did, oh, there would be words.

Rodney Reed, Ooltewah, TN Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Adventure From the limbs of ancient live oaks moccasins hung like fat black sausages - which are sometimes called boudin noir, black pudding or blood pudding, though why anyone would refer to a sausage as pudding is hard to understand and it is even more difficult to divine why a person would knowingly eat something made from dried blood in the first place - but be that as it may, our tale is of voodoo and foul murder, not disgusting food.

Mike Mayfield, Austin, TX Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Crime Wearily approaching the murder scene of Jeannie and Quentin Rose and needing to determine if this was the handiwork of the Scented Strangler - who had a twisted affinity for spraying his victims with his signature raspberry cologne - or that of a copycat, burnt-out insomniac detective Sonny Kirkland was sure of one thing: Mark Wisnewski, Flanders, NJ Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Five minutes before his scheduled execution, Kip found his thoughts turning to his childhood - all those years ago before he had become a contract killer whose secret weakness was a severe peanut allergy, even back before he lost half of a toe in a gardening accident while doing community service - but especially to Corinne, the pretty girl down the street whom he might have ended up marrying one day if she had only shown him a little more damn respect.

Terri Daniel, Seattle, WA Historical Fiction Napoleon's ship tossed and turned as the emperor, listening while his generals squabbled as they always did, splashed the tepid waters in his bathtub. John Doble, New York City Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest The executioner sneered as the young queen ascended the stairs to the guillotine; in the old days, he thought, at least there was some buildup, a little time on the rack or some disemboweling, but nowadays everyone wants instant gratification.

Andrea Rossi, Wilmington, NC Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Purple Prose As his small boat scudded before a brisk breeze under a sapphire sky dappled with cerulean clouds with indigo bases, through cobalt seas that deepened to navy nearer the boat and faded to azure at the horizon, Ian was at a loss as to why he felt blue.

Calendar of Events for Plumstead Township, Bucks County PA and Surrounding Communities

Mike Pedersen, North Berwick, ME Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest The Los Angeles morning was heavy with smog, the word being a portmanteau of smoke and fog, though in LA the pollutants are typically vehicular emissions as opposed to actual smoke and fog, unlike 19th-century London where the smoke from countless small coal fires often combined with fog off the Thames to produce true smog, though back then they were not clever enough to call it that.

Jack Barry, Shelby, NC Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest LaTrina - knowing he must live - let her hot, wet tongue slide slowly over Gladiator's injured ear, the taste reminding her of the late June flavor of a snow chain that had been removed from a tire and left to rust on the garage floor without being rinsed off. Betsy Replogle, Nichols Hills, OK Like a bird gliding over the surface of a Wyoming river rippled by a gentle Spring breeze, his hand passed over her stretch marks.

Patty Liverance, Grand Rapids, MI Deep into that particular wet Saturday night ugly blues screamed out from the old man's horn like a hooker being hauled down a flight of stairs, regular thick loud thumps punctuated by nasty and erratic sharp barks.

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John Benson, Carthage, MO She held my hand as if she were having a swollen barrel of fun which was off considering that my teeth were sitting on my bathroom cabinet eight miles away, no less and my elbow was peeling like a soggy coconut, the fine hairs of which were standing on edge in fear, as if the coconut had been reading "Dracula. James Hearn, Canterbury, Kent, U. Romance As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand - who would take her away from all this - and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had.

Ali Kawashima, Greensboro, NC Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Deanna waited for him in a deliberate pose on the sailor-striped chaise lounge of the newly-remodeled Ramada, her bustier revealing the tops of her white breasts like eggs - eggs of the slightly undercooked, hard-boiled variety, showing a nascent jiggle with her apprehensive breath, eggs that were then peeled ever-so-carefully so as not to pierce the jellied, opaque albumen and unleash the longing, viscous yolk within - yes, she lay there, oblong and waiting to be deviled.

Gray, Ithaca, NY Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest They called her The Cat, because she made love the way she fought, rolling rapidly across the floor in a big, blurry ball of shrieking hair, fury, and dander, which usually solicited a "Shut up!

Lisa Kluber, San Francisco, CA She gazed smolderingly at the mysterious rider, his body cloaked in enough shining black leather to outfit an Italian furniture store, wrapped so tightly each muscle stood out like a flamboyant Mexican hairdresser at an Alabamian monster truck rally; and he met her gaze with an intensity that couldn't have been matched by even a starving junkyard dog in the meat aisle of a suburban supermarket.

Chris Kemp, Annapolis, MD Sci Fi Morgan "Bamboo" Barnes, Star Pilot of the Galaxia flagship of the Solar Brigadeaccepted an hors d'oeuvre from the triangular-shaped platter offered to him from the Princess Qwillia - lavender-skinned she was and busty, with two of her four eyes what Barnes called "bedroom eyes" - and marveled at how on her planet, Chlamydia-5, these snacks were called "Hi-Dee-Hoes" but on Earth they were simply called Ritz Crackers with Velveeta.

Greg Homer, Placerville, CA Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Sterben counted calcium bars in the storage chamber, wondering why women back on Earth paid him little attention, but up here they seem to adore him, in fact, six fraichemaidens had already shown him their blinka.

The land where everything glitters slightly more than normal. Marvin Veto, Greensboro, NC Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Convinced that the fabled Lost Treasure of Eggsbury was concealed within the statue of the beloved Sister Mary Francis in the village square, Professor Smithee would steal away in the darkest hour of each night to try to silently chip away at her impervious granite vestments - a vain and fruitless nightly exercise, he well knew, but it was a hard habit to break.

Bradley was a risk but no sorry trivial pursuit, yet he hadn't a clue why she had a monopoly on his heart's desires - in fact, it boggled his mind and caused him great aggravation because, in his checkered and troubled careers, he had always scrabbled hard and it drove him bonkers that she considered life just a game.

Linda Boatright, Omaha, NE Western The laser-blue eyes of the lone horseman tracked the slowly lengthening lariat of a Laredo dawn as it snaked its way through Dead Man's Pass into the valley below and snared the still sleeping town's tiny church steeple in a noose of light with the oh-so-familiar glow of a Dodge City virgin's last maiden blush.

Holly Kohler, Concord, MA No one walked down Bleak Street at night - not where hobgoblins hobnobbed, skeletons skulked, vampires vamped, and the dumpster behind the Chinese buffet smelled like zombies.

Bill Hartmann, Dallas, TX Dawn crept up like the panther on the gazelle, except it was light, not dark like a panther, and a panther, though quiet, could never be as silent as the light of dawn, so really the analogy doesn't hold up well, as cool as it sounds, but it still is a great way to begin a story; just not necessarily this particular one.

Warren Blair, Ashburn, VA As the young officer studied the oak door, he was reminded of his girlfriend - for she was also slightly unhinged, occasionally sticky, and responded well to being stripped and given a light oiling. Ian Fishlock, Harrow, London U. The beast lumbered toward the maiden, its fetid breath announcing its presence to her since she couldn't see him due to the blindfold her captors had tied around her headits jaws gaping open like a sub sandwich with too much meat, so that no matter how hard you try, you can't possibly keep the lettuce or the tomatoes from squeezing out onto the table or, worse, your lap.

Titus, Freeland, PA All the signs, both actual and imagined, made it immensely clear there was trouble ahead for Marlene and, yet, her childlike sense of hope that maybe he was "the one" kept her foot on the accelerator pedal of life even when she came to the "bridge out" warning handwritten in Magic Marker on Myron's Polident cup. Karen Arutunoff, Tulsa, OK The grisly scene before him was like nothing Detective Smith had ever seen before, but there were millions and millions of things he had never seen before, and he couldn't help but wonder which of them it was.

Sean Griffin, Tacoma, WA Maggie said they were birthmarks and they very well could be, but the three very small black moles in a horizontal line just above her right eyebrow looked like an ellipsis to some, but to others who did not know what an ellipsis was, they looked like three very small black moles in a horizontal line just above Maggie's right eyebrow.

Anna Springfield, Raleigh, NC Her flaming red hair whipped in the wind like a campfire, stroking the embers of passion hidden within the hearth of my heart and I began to burn with a desire that seared me to my very core - oh the things that I would do if only I weren't incarcerated for arson! Aubrey Johnson, Edmonton, AB, Canada Carmela's knees buckled and she a responsible consumer collapsed down onto the sidewalk, as her environmentally green grocery bag bounced - spewing forth organic mixed lettuces, crispy eco-friendly cucumbers, juicy natural cherry tomatoes, home-grown herbs - while in perfect synchronization, a recyclable plastic bottle burst open, spraying droplets of Lite-Italian dressing upon the freshly tossed salad.

Tim Daggett Gold Medal Gymnastics - hidden-facts.info

Margie Parker, Weeki Wachee, FL After five years as a freelance writer, Greg finally managed to double his income, letting him add a processed cheese product slice to the baloney sandwiches he had for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lawrence Person, Austin, TX The mostly, but not quite, extinguished fire's dying embers writhed upon the floor like tiny little wasps which someone has just stuck in the abdomen with a needle, and they are frantically contracting around the metal protrusion in their gut in a desperate effort to remove it which, let's face it, is hopeless so they are just slowly dying and good riddance to them too, because unlike bees - which actually have some purpose in the world - wasps are just mean, ornery wastes of space, and who can blame someone for spearing them?

Vanderburg, Cleveland, OH They kissed with the fury and suction of a dart that was shot onto the back of the bus driver's fat bald head by the red-headed kid that was too big for his age the rumor was he was "held back" and everyone knew was going to end up in prison, or perhaps a prop comic if he straightened out in time. Drake Daggett, Omro, WI Awakened by a howling wind snapping branches against her new but poorly installed storm windows, Stella heard another sound she found puzzling so, grabbing her trusty Colt Python, she snuck stealthily downstairs to find an oddly-dressed gnome-like man methodically dropping breath mints onto her freshly-waxed kitchen floor.

Adrian McKinty Urgh the howler monkey was sort of the leader of his troop, though not old enough to be a silverback and not having fathered more than a couple of sons, but he did know where the good berries were and how to avoid the leopards, anacondas, and especially the hairless apes, the ones who crashed through the forest only to stand behind a tree and breathe noisily, and watch them and sometimes leave bunches of those disgusting bananas.

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Nelson, Falls Church, VA For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss - a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil. Molly Ringle, Seattle, WA Winning sentence, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Through the verdant plains of North Umbria walked Waylon Ogglethorpe and, as he walked, the clouds whispered his name, the birds of the air sang his praises, and the beasts of the fields from smallest to greatest said, "There goes the most noble among men" - in other words, a typical stroll for a schizophrenic ventriloquist with delusions of grandeur.

Tom Wallace, Columbia, SC Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Adventure The blazing equatorial sun beat down on Simon's head and shoulders as he dug feverishly in the hot sand with the ivory shoe-horn his mother had given him before the homecoming game with Taft, when the field was so wet that he'd lost his low-tops seven times in the cold sucking mud.

Cavendish, the once handsome young soldier from Her Majesty's 47th Regiment resembled nothing so much as a crumpled up piece of khaki-colored construction paper that had been dipped in La Victoria chunky salsa. Fox, don't take your magic back to the forest, it is needed here in Twigsville!

Fox was unconcerned as he smugly loped back into the woods without answering a word knowing well that his magic was only going to be used to make sure his forest would be annexed into the neighboring community of Leaftown where the property values were much higher.

Steve Lynch, San Marcos, CA Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest As Holmes, who had a nose for danger, quietly fingered the bloody knife and eyed the various body parts strewn along the dark, deserted highway, he placed his ear to the ground and, with his heart in his throat, silently mouthed to his companion, "Arm yourself, Watson, there is an evil hand afoot ahead. Maximin, various members of the nobility, and mobs of axe-bearing villagers, there stands a ruin whose building stones mostly were carted off to build other buildings.

Mary Ann R Unger, Ewing, NJ Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest The band of pre-humans departed the cave in search of solace from the omnipresent dangers found there knowing that it meant survival of their kind, though they probably didn't understand it intellectually since their brains were so small and undeveloped but fundamentally they understood that they didn't like big animals that ate them. Mike Mayfield, Austin, TX Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Purple Prose The dark, drafty old house was lopsided and decrepit, leaning in on itself, the way an aging possum carrying a very heavy, overcooked drumstick in his mouth might list to one side if he were also favoring a torn Achilles tendon, assuming possums have them.

Scott Davis Jones, Valley Village, CA Winner, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest The wind whispering through the pine trees and the sun reflecting off the surface of Lake Tahoe like a scattering of diamonds was an idyllic setting, while to the south the same sun struggled to penetrate a sky choked with farm dust and car exhaust over Bakersfield, a town spread over the lower San Joaquin Valley like a brown stain on a wino's trousers, which is where, unfortunately, this story takes place.

Dennis Doberneck, Paso Robles, CA Runner-Up, Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction Contest Elaine was a big woman, and in her tiny Smart car, stakeouts were always hard for her, especially in the August sun where the humidity made her massive thighs, under her lightweight cotton dress, stick together like two walruses in heat.