8 Red Flags Your Boyfriend Is Micro-Manipulating You | Thought Catalog
Here, experts share the signs of manipulation. Get the latest career, relationship and wellness advice to enrich your life: sign up for TIME's. He says each of those relationships ended with infidelity, on his part, and There is a scale to gaslighting, from lying and exaggerating to controlling and domination. in my story to girlfriends and convince myself that I wasn't a bad guy." He says that if there is one piece of advice he would give women. Beverly's story: Lies, manipulation and emotional abuse Before the relationship , I was a trusting person who always took pride in myself . He was even seeing her and going to counseling with me and tricked the therapist.
Is it easy when someone is angry for them to say YOU made me feel this way, or this is happening because of YOU, but it is not okay for them to turn around and blame everything on you all the time, not taking responsibility for their actions and feelings.
If you start blaming yourself for his actions, and say you could have done something differently then please cut him out right now. I am telling you, there is nothing you could do differently.
He points out your weaknesses and uses them against you. Manipulative people have a super power where they are able to detect every single one of your weaknesses. And not only that, but they get high off the idea of controlling you with them. It is NORMAL for a human being to have flaws, but when your boyfriend uses your flaws against you every chance he gets, then he is a deconstructive person and could be the source of your self-doubt.
- Beverly’s story: Lies, manipulation and emotional abuse
- Cheating and manipulation: Confessions of a gaslighter
- 8 Red Flags Your Boyfriend Is Micro-Manipulating You
If you are feeling insecure about something, you will obviously feel worse about it when someone points it out. Manipulative people can see that; they can feel that, and if they see an opportunity to get you to comply, they will take it, even if it means pointing out something you hate about yourself. He asks you to give up something in order to serve his own best interests. You want to go hang out with your family on the holidays?
You want to take a vacation with your friends to get away for a while? No conversation will be had. But any time your partner wants to do something, do you go out of your way to at least try to talk about it and make things work?
If someone is doing something that only serves themselves all the time, then they are not committed to your best interests, or your well-being.
Sometimes people have to give things up to make their relationship work, but giving up a part of who you are just to comply with your significant other?
But he would ring until it went to voicemail and when it did he hung up and rang again.
When I never picked up I got a barrage of texts of how horrific of a person I was, that I was unkind, uncaring, I was so horrible. As the relationship progressed it became so mentally exhausting.
So I would be only able to talk to him.
I couldn't text my friends ever because if I did he would scream I was a cheater and I'm a bad person no matter how much I tried to prove I was innocent. He rang me every few minutes to check I wasn't cheating. If my phone was dead he'd text my friends to give me their phone so he can ring me.
Beverly's story: Lies, manipulation and emotional abuse
I was scared, I was emotionally weak. I was trying to cope with depression. I didn't have time to argue, I had to cope, so I always gave in and it broke me.
I had no confidence so I always listened to others, if they said I was bad it must be true. Soon his manipulation turned to my friends. They disagreed with his ways of trying to control me and I just brushed it off as him protecting me. He began to tell me my friends were awful people. He had my passwords to everything because he told me if I said no I was hiding something.
My story of a manipulative relationship
I saw no flaws in this, so I went along with it. One day he read a group chat with me and my friends. John found that message and scolded me for looking at another guy.
He told me my friends were trying to get me to cheat on him. He lied about his whole life and never cared how I felt. I do not know who I became. I forgave him over and over for lying and stealing because of his horrible gambling problem. He always said that we would be fine if he could just get the right help. After hitting rock bottom, I did everything to find him help.
He stole thousands from me, his friends, his family and even banks. He was headed to jail but got into a rehab with my help. By that point, I was done. It felt good while he was away for two months. I grew stronger and realized I was happier with him gone. I never wanted him back. After his discharge, I went for a while without him; I totally dumped him. Unfortunately, I got lonely and decided to give him a chance to prove himself as he pled and promised he would.
After all, I thought, he stopped gambling. I told him he would have to somehow gain back my trust for the five years of abuse and lies. If I needed reassurance for anything, he was willing to prove it.
That lasted about a month. The lies were still coming. I knew in my heart that he was the same pathological liar he always had been. I found out he was seeing someone at his new job. She was his new source of supply, a girl who believed his lies and manipulations and who complied and did not cause him any problems. She was his new soul mate. He denies all of this to this day but remains with her.
I am the new crazy ex waiting to get my money back he promised to pay. His family stands by him too. He was even seeing her and going to counseling with me and tricked the therapist. I was discarded like trash. He said I never trusted him, that I was just crazy and that I was too damaged for him.