ARE YOU UNDER DEMONIC MANIPULATION IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? | The Tribune
In their usage, "relationship" means something different than what my dictionary define what they mean by "relationship" and the word does not occur in the Bible. . Manipulative relationship, exemplified by the slave/master relationship, 2. Spiritual manipulation is a technique used by some abusive churches and cults to Some have even altered the Bible and produced their own translation to. Manipulation Cutting the Srings of Control by June Hunt Attempts to control our Manipulation is the art of controlling people or circumstances by indirect, unfair or deceptive means, . Not seeing objectively that the relationship is unhealthy.
This article was published May 4th. As a pastor, I have studied human nature for more than three decades and have come to the conclusion that some people are actually under the control of other people. It is almost like a spell or witchcraft, to be precise! Whether it is a wife who stays in an abusive relationship with her husband or a mother who allows her drug-addicted child to continually take money from her, there are many people in the world who manipulate others for their own satisfaction, caring nothing for the other person.
Although I have just mentioned some extremes, most cases of control are far more subtle and do not involve a person physically abusing another person. In fact, it could be a petite woman controlling a large, strong man!
In many cases, the issues presented in this article can be true in a marriage. The following are some signs you are under the unhealthy control of another person: Get Spirit-filled content delivered right to your inbox!
Click here to subscribe to our newsletter. In many cases, people controlling others will not allow a conversation to go a certain way or to continue if they think they are going to lose the argument. This is because they can't bear to lose their place of power, which comes from making the other person think they are always right.
Many controlling people cannot handle it if you disagree with them. At first, they may even act like they want your input.
But the moment they see the conversation is not going their way, they twist things around or pick on one little thing said and go on a rabbit trail with the intent of derailing the conversation, never letting it come to a conclusion that deviates from their position.
Often, controlling people will go into fits of rage and temper tantrums when they are not having their way because they will do anything, even to the point of violence, to have their way and manipulate people into obeying them.
The controlling person constantly tries to make victims feel guilty or bad about the way they treat them when the opposite is really true. Thus, they get the victim to apologize, resulting in letting the abuser continue to abuse and control them. Another subtle form of control is when a person gives you the impression that whatever you do for them is never good enough, that you are always falling short.
This makes the victim feel indebted and obligated to continue to try harder to please, satisfy and serve the controller. Another not-so-obvious way to control is for the controller to continually question the motives of the person they control, so the victim is never sure of themselves and, thus, always on shaky spiritual and emotional ground.
This can result in the victim actually looking up to the controller as a role model for godliness and purity, putting the controller in the driver's seat once again! Another form of control is when a person continually puts you down, calling you names and questioning the wisdom in the decisions you make. This can make the victim feel obligated to try harder to please the controller and trust their wisdom, so they are always letting the controller make the important decisions!
But in a controlling relationship, the controller is always jockeying to have their way.
What Is a Relationship?
Or they will allow you to have your way in many minor things so that in all major things, they will always have the final say. Another way controllers have their way is to actually walk away from their responsibilities at the worst possible time if they don't get their way, thus almost blackmailing a spouse, business partner or fellow minister into letting them have their way.
For example, when walking away or threatening to walk away right before or in the midst of an important meeting, the victim will agree to almost any demands so as to complete the task at hand to avoid humiliation. The only change was to stop any form of disaffirmation. The people who seem to value "relationships" as they use the wordwhen I unconditionally affirm them, they seem to feel like we have a good relationship; if I ever slip in a little honesty criticismBAM! The effect is often very sudden and very clearly tied to that criticism.
The founding pastor of a church where I was a member for several years put it quite bluntly: It would seem that these people do not have the dictionary sense of "connection" in mind when they say "relationship", but rather a particular quality of connection, namely one of unconditional affirmation.
Any other kind of connection, and my consistent experience is that these same people who claim to value "relationships" will intentionally and actively take steps to destroy the connection. So it appears that "relationship" is code for "don't ever criticize for any reason. They see God as unconditionally "loving" them regardless how badly they behave.
They believe and say it's in the Bible, but they never actually cite any particular supporting texts. I have read through the entire Bible several times looking for such supporting texts and never found them. The problem I have with this definition is that these people most into "relationships" can't live what they teach.
Are You a Manipulator?
They criticize all the time -- just never to your face. The church is full of these hypocritesand most of them admit it. And the Bible is full of holy men and women who were very willing to criticize honestly. Jesus himself did it. It is possible to affirm people without lying to them. I do that with my sister and everybody at church. But withholding truth is not always exactly honest.
They forbid you to do that in a court of law, and God Himself is more honest than that. Revenge The never-criticizers seem to allow themselves one special occasion of honesty, when they are angry. Anger is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, so of course few will ever admit to being angry, and accusing anybody of anger is completely out of the question. Except when they are in one of those moments of honesty.
Then you get a whole boatload of criticisms. One person described it to me as a "gunny sack" that you carry around and stuff all your resentments and frustrations into, so you can smile hypocritically and politely affirm the jerk who is annoying you. All that hostility sits there in the gunny sack festering and rotting, and when the sack gets full, it just comes spilling out all over everything.
After the bag is empty again, you can go back to being nice. On further analysis, it appears to me that the honesty these people allow themselves is generally triggered by and in response to excessive honesty from others. In other words, it is a form of revenge. They even explain God's criticisms of the wicked as the same kind of vengeance. Of course God is allowed to do that, but we are forbidden. Unless we are "not-angry" only seems like anger to anybody watching what's going on, like that politician's line "It looks like a duck, and it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, but you say it's not-a-duck"then it's payback time.
Jesus Again So now I wonder. Is this policy of unconditional or semi-unconditional affirmation what people really mean by "relationship"?
Or is there something else? Sometimes people seem to want me to believe that "relationship" involves multi-dimensional interaction on many levels and in many colors, but they never use the word in any other way except where it can be understood as a synonym for unconditional affirmation. Is their "relationship" with Jesus nothing more than the imagined supposition that Jesus will never criticize them?
I guess Jesus won't be seen to criticize if they don't read their Bibles too carefully -- most people hardly read the Bible at all -- or if they see all the affirmations in the Bible as directed at themselves and all the criticisms as directed at other people. That might be a nice post-modern hermeneutic, but it cannot be sustained from the Bible itself. Is this policy of unconditional affirmation what people really mean by "relationship"?
I really want to know. Day Star Fred Heeren writes and edits a quarterly magazine Cosmic Pursuit aimed at addressing ultimate questions from a scientific perspective. Contractual relationship, in which each party agrees to the deal in order to get something from the other, as when an employer gets a service performed and an employee gets a wage, and 3.
The highest relationship, where each serves the interests of the other. His "highest relationship" certainly fits the Christian love described in the Bible.
Perhaps that's what people would like to mean by their use of the word. I would find this definition more convincing if they actually acted like that's what they meant.
The trouble is, everybody who uses the word "relationship" in such a context seems quite reluctant to be considerate of the other person's interests; they break it off when their own perceived interests are not being served, which is at best Heeren's level 2.