Love & Relationships, Discover How They Interact by Tony Robbins
Sometimes doubts and insecurities make it hard to interact peacefully with other people. These tips may help you have peaceful, loving relationships. Get relationship advice from experts on hidden-facts.info Find dating tips and advice to make your relationship stronger. Love & Relationships - Are you looking for the best tips when it comes to love and relationships? Read vital tips from Tony Robbins himself.
We paused for a full minute of silence to honor the death of a noble effort that turned awful. When our minute was up, all of us open our eyes. No matter how they word it, people often come down to saying the same two things: Next, we asked them another question: Are you willing to create a marriage in which you both feel fully appreciated and you make the relationship more important than your old patterns? The energy in the room lightened as their faces relaxed.
Again, they were caught by surprise. Even though their first marriage had lasted fourteen years and this new one only four years so far, it felt as if the first one never existed. Now, take a closer look at the appreciation. Alternating Cycles Human beings alternate between two ongoing cycles: The ratio between the two—the amount of time we spend in each—determines how happy we are and how much happiness we inspire around us.
It also affects how much creativity we express and inspire in others. The cycle of complaint goes as follows: We want or need something from our partner, such as more communicationmore understanding, more touch, more freedom. Inevitably our partner fails to give us what we want, so we complain about it and criticize our partner for his or her faults and failures. Armed with more detailed evidence, we escalate our barrage of criticism and complaint.
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Almost everybody who criticizes, though, is convinced that if they keep it up long enough it will have the proper motivational effect on the other person. The cycle of appreciation, another ingredient for how to make love last, goes as follows: We look for things to appreciate about our partners. We discover new ones or notice old ones anew.
We speak our appreciations clearly. Living in a cycle of complaint consumes the very energy needed for creative expression. Living in a cycle of appreciation frees up energy that each person can use for individual and mutual creativity.
Appreciation in Action What most of us need to know is this: We have a choice about which cycle to live in. What most of us really need to know is how to shift quickly out of the cycle of complaint and into the cycle of appreciation, which has the power to create long lasting love.
One of our research associates sent Gay a note a while back in which she articulated her own reaction to something that happened at a dinner with us. Speaking of appreciation, I remember the first time I ever saw a clear example of it. The three of us were in a restaurant together when we first met.
At one point in the conversation Kathlyn said something funny. I vividly remember your turning to her and saying, out loud, casually, as if it was the most natural thing in the world: You make my life so much richer because of how you look at the world. I was just feeling grateful for that and wanted you to know it.
I sat there perplexed for a moment. Later, I realized that I was waiting for the punchline. My mind was thinking: Out of the blue? Without wanting anything in return?
This latter observation distinguishes the art of appreciating from the related art of praising. There is no question that praise is a useful and important skill—many books are available on how to do it effectively. As we will show later, the paradigm in which appreciation occurs is not linear, nor is it intended to produce a specific result although it is one of the factors that builds long-lasting love. It does not fit within a reward-and-punishment schema. You shift into the new paradigm by making a conscious decision, a commitment to base your relationships on an ongoing flow of positive energy—of genuine love.
Things change for the better the moment either of these skills enters a relationship. Here is an example of appreciation for its own sake, drawn from our own relationship: One morning I awoke early to do some writing.
After an hour or so I took a break to meditate, and during meditation an idea popped into my mind. I was upstairs when I heard her sleepy footsteps approach the steps.
Suddenly I heard a giggle, and then another and another as she came up the stairs and encountered each of my different thank yous. When she came into the kitchen she was absolutely aglow. A New Paradigm of Relationships We believe that concepts such as conscious committing and active appreciating constitute a shift in context that fundamentally alters the way in which people regard intimate relationships and contributes to how to make love last.
Prior Contexts Up until very recently, the context of intimate relationships was clouded by survival fears, rather than a desire for lasting love. Although survival is not the main priority for millions of people when they wake up each day, it still is for many others. Fears about hunger, deprivation, and other survival issues still shape the nature of relationships.
In times past, our ancestors paid less attention to psychological or spiritual fulfillment. Techniques for problem solving were essentially nonexistent. Things changed as the twentieth century gained momentum. Movies, literature, and other arts began to celebrate the transcendent possibilities of relationship—symbolized by the graceful dancing of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. The Freudian revolution promised to offer tools for handling problems when missteps caused us to tread on each other painfully.
In the survival context, life is lived in waves with things like fear and hunger as the crests and periods of relief from those things as the swells. In the fulfillment context, life is lived in waves of fulfillment and the hunger for more. We believe, however, that the context is about to make an even larger shift, opening access to a new force field. This new force is electric with previously hidden potential.
We believe that relationships in the new millennium will shift toward a focus on appreciation and celebration. The focus will be on the flow of connection. The couples who come to us now want more than traditional relationship tips and problem-solving skills. As people become more sensitive to the flow of energy inside themselves and in their relationships, they are looking beyond traditional therapeutic techniques to truly create long-lasting genuine love.
They want life skills they can use to awaken and enhance the flow of connection.
A single act of skillful committing or appreciating instantly shifts the relationship into a greater sense of flow and creativity. Mother nature gives us a big dose of infatuation in order to get us together initially. Love does include sexual chemistry but it differs because it is an emotion that takes time to build.
Lust can appear in an instant; love evolves over a period of time as you get to know the other person inside and out. A relationship without love is not really a fully-faceted relationship You may be immensely sexually-attracted to your partner but that does not mean you love your partner.
Love, like fine wine, takes time to bloom A loving relationship is not built in a day. The threads of love take time to weave together to form a strong bond.
It is only as you and your partner share your thoughts, fears, dreams and hopes that love takes root. It has its own timetable that needs to be respected and not hurried.
Is there only one true love? Thankfully so, or we would never recover from our high school crush, or losing a partner to divorce or death.
The True Meaning of Love in a Relationship
Love is generous In a truly loving relationship, we give to the other without an expectation of return. Giving pleasure to our partner gives us pleasure, too. We feel what our partner feels When we see our partner happy, we feel a sense of joy as well. When we see that they are sad or depressed, we feel their blue mood, too.
Love means compromise When we love someone, we are willing to compromise in order to accommodate their needs or desires. Respect and kindness When we love, we act respectfully and kindly towards each other.
We do not intentionally hurt or denigrate our partner.