The Benefits of a Strong Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationship | WeHaveKids
Of all the relationships in family life, the one between mother-in-law and . we [ the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law] were like best friends. Enter the word mother-in-law into an Internet search engine, and the first site that appears is about mother-in-law jokes. Simply mention the word mother-in-law. Whenever her mother-in-law came to stay, Vanessa Trent would go Not quite family, but never really friends, the mother and daughter-in-law relationship If I' m good enough to look after her child, she has to put up with my.
No matter what the issues may be between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, everyone in the family knows about them. Unfortunately each member of the family sees the situation from their own perspective --meaning they bring their own personal history and emotional baggage along.
As a result, it's difficult for any of them to remain neutral. These other in-law relationships become colored by what the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law do and say, which guarantees that the whole family pot stays pretty well stirred up!
So if this is a typical and even inevitable outcome when a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law struggle, is it even possible to solve this mess?
Well, yes it is. And obviously, the solution starts with the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law. Recognize that this is happening or that it very well may happen. Recognize that actions have consequences -- as does not taking action -- for both you as well as for other people in the family.
Take a step back, take a deep breath, and take an honest look at the bigger picture. Ask yourself, Is this really how I want things to be in my family? Do I really want my family to see me as either the villain or the victim? What can I do to start to make things better -- for me, for my in-law, and for the rest of the family? No one wants to believe that they are directly or indirectly hurting other people, particularly people they care about.
Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law: Rules of the game - Considerable
Unfortunately, that's exactly what they are doing when they perpetuate tension between themselves and their in-laws. As unintentional as it may be, they do end up hurting other family members who love them. Give it some thought. When the separation does not occur, an element of boyhood remains.
Be the mother-in-law of her dreams - Focus on the Family
This can be hard for mothers, because they have a special place for their boys in their hearts. Marriage requires the total self-gift, so he cannot retain a boy-like affection for his mother while giving himself totally to his wife. A hard new truth This separation is hard for mothers.
This is also why and when the tension builds: This becomes a greater problem if the son does in fact remain overly attached to his mother. Naturally, she had strange feelings toward the new young bride that had displaced her.
The Power of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Relationship -- and What That Really Means
Mothers must accept that their sons are men and husbands, meaning mom must, in a sense, submit to his authority in his home and not ever seek to influence the choices and directions of the family.
She no longer has authority over him. She had her chance, and now he is grown. She must never speak ill of his new wife as a way to re-create a bond with the son, and she should not use guilt to try to coax him back in close to her or to do what she thinks is right. Sons should cleave to their wives, and not sow unnecessary tension by, for example, discussing things with their mothers that they do not discuss with their wives, or seeking motherly advice or approval in ways that a boy would.
Be the mother-in-law of her dreams
They should reverence their mothers and honor them as they are commanded by God to do, while doing so as men. They must give themselves totally and fully to their wives.
Wives should reverence their mother-in-law as well, with proper respect and gratitude for the gift of the husband. They should seek them out as mentors and, in the best case, develop friendships with the mother, united by their common love. While they may feel the tension at times, they have still married into a family and respect is important.