They may want a relationship, but they are too scared to make a commitment. Commitment-phobia can also take the form of confusing excitement with anxiety. OCD Anxiety.;. Relationship-Themed OCD (ROCD) . But more commonly the fear of commitment is an avoidance compulsion connected. In the article, John M. Grohol the founder and CEO of Psych Central, discusses relationship anxiety and commitment phobia as a serious.
A very unhappy commitment phobic client said to me once about his latest conquest: He comes from a divorced family that had immense instability throughout the childhood. So he is constantly working to mitigate future pain.
Staying in the moment and just enjoying the new love is out of the question when the pattern is active. He needs to feel one step ahead in his relationships always. He perceives any form of intimacy as a trap, Another sad case that I became aware of, was a woman that dated and even became engaged to a covert commitment phobe. The only reason they did not get to the actual wedding day only to have him leave her standing alone at the alter is because she finally woke up and started to piece together the commitment phobic symptomlogy he had been displaying.
She decided to question him very deeply which did force him to admit he was not going to go through with the wedding.
Instead he felt that lying was a better option which included the act of a last minute wedding day bail out! Look out for people you are dating that are constantly looking at other people while on a date with you. Also be mindful that the commitment-phobic person is a born sales person in that they can spin a web and tell a story that is unparalleled.
What is actually happening is that they are usually covering their lies with the stories. The truth is, when I work with a commitment-phobic person I realize that they themselves are not at all in touch with their inner truths. True, real grit, deep authentic truth and reality is tough for many people but for the person who is commitment-phobic, it is nearly impossible to have them face this type of emotional delving and truth.
What is Commitment Phobia & Relationship Anxiety?
This article is a cautionary tale alerting people to not to get involved with someone they suspect is commitment phobic because if a long term commitment is what you are after, this kind of person is sure to get you hurt! It is not going to be a pretty situation, unless you yourself are a commitment-phobic person.
We know that like attracts like, so that may also be a likely scenario. It actually may be a good match temporarily since both parties are not interested in longevity. However denial is not just a river in Egypt! I have seen two commitment phobic people get married In Vegas within one week of knowing each other because they got caught up in the romance of it all. The intensity of the connection made them slip into a denial state that seduced them into a marriage decision.
Of course it did not last and lots of pain ensued! But I also see the scenario of the commitment phobe in a relationship with the highly clingy person. A lot of commitment-phobic people tend to grow up in volatile addiction families or in families that the parents are in a loveless and silent relationship.
In either scenario there is a palpable feeling of tension, unhappiness and dissatisfaction that everyone just wants out of. In the case of the loud and volatile family there is a lot of insecurity about what will be happening the next day or what the mood of the mother or father will be in at any given time.
Commitment Phobia: The Source and The Way Out - Visualization Works
These people were brought up to constantly have one foot in and one foot out. Can you imagine a child being completely invested in a mother or father whom they cannot trust?
The child feels in a constant state of emotional panic. This volatile, unstable home creates a neural pathway belief system to be commitment-phobic. They have no idea what it feels like have healthy emotional bonding. These feelings drive increased anxiety, which builds upon itself and snowballs as the relationship progresses — and the expectation of a commitment looms larger.
People with a commitment phobia long and want a long-term connection with another person, but their overwhelming anxiety prevents them from staying in any relationship for too long.
If pressed for a commitment, they are far more likely to leave the relationship than to make the commitment. Or they may initially agree to the commitment, then back down days or weeks later, because of their overwhelming anxiety and fears.
Commitment Phobia: The Source and The Way Out
Some people with relationship anxiety may confuse positive feelings of excitement for another person and the potential of a relationship with the feelings of anxiety. For instance, normal feelings of anticipation or may be misconstrued by the person as a panic reaction, or general negative anxiousness.
Some may also just have a difficult time resolving the inherent conflict of romantic relationships — the craving of intimacy while wanting to retain their own individuality and freedom.
People with commitment issues come in all shapes and sizes, and their exact dating and relationship behaviors can vary.
Some refuse to have any serious or long-term relationships longer than a week or a month, because of their fears. Others may be able to be involved with one person for a few months, but as the relationship becomes more serious and deeper, their old fears again come to the forefront, driving the person away. Both men and women can suffer from relationship anxiety and commitment phobia, although traditionally it was thought primarily to be a male problem.